The Stuff Legends Are Made Of

Marijuana, that viciously delicious herb that tantalizes our taste buds and tingles our nerves. Saturday night a friend of mine NERO and I had gone on a quest for some cannabis. I inquired if my friend had brought his cellphone, and he had forgotten, so I was without the ability to call my normal dealer.

Walking across town to another friends in hopes of salvation was in fact another failure as they were not at home, but continuing on we came across an associate of mine named Dustin, I asked if he knew where we could acquire some marijuana. Upon hearing this he promptly responded "How much?" And we replied "Just a dime.." He brought us aside opened his backpack where he had a satchel, and within the satchel there was a large sum of gorgeous looking bud, he said it was some kind of Kush. He asked to eyeball it, I agreed as I thought a scale outside by the street was as impractical as it was stupid. He gave us a small handful of beautiful little nugs that we happily paid for.

The weed smelled fucking incredible, it's pungent odour was something to be smelled afar despite how small the amount was. Returning to his house we used my bubbler to consume this tasty cannabis treat. I busted it up and packed the massive bowl atop the bubbler, it went back and forth nicely a few times and when it was gone I was high.. Like REALLY high, and then 5 minutes later I was even fucking higher. We played Street Fighter on his SNES, and watched old recorded Digimon episodes from The Zone on YTV. It fucking blew my mind in half because not only was I really really high, it had commercials from the 90's my fucking childhood was being thrown before my eyes the nostalgia was nigh lethal. This kept us high as balls for several hours, and in fact went to sleep ripped to shit in the early hours of morning.

Waking up late and chillin out was sweet, and even better when I discovered they was more then a packed bowls worth left, smoking this we got even fucking higher and played Diablo II while listening to both Alestorm (PIRATE METAL MOTHERFUCKERS!! YEEAAAHH!!) and Dr. Steel (future emperor of the world I'll post about him later.) We then quit Diablo II after a longass time ate a bunch more food, and then listened to more music ranging from Streetlight Manifesto, to Venetian Snares, Andrew WK, and Infected Mushroom.

The moral of the story is it was really fucking good weed, and in fact I am high right now typing this from the resin that that bud provided me with...

Fortress

The movie fortress is just too kick ass not to write about. It stares the guy who plays Rayden in the Mortal Kombat movies. I looked it up to confirm that he was the same guy and noticed that there is going to be a Mortal Kombat remake with the same guy playing Rayden! I don't know what created his accent.

In this movie Rayden dude and his wife go to prison because his wife was knocked up and future America has a very strict one baby per family law, which they will put you in Jail for like 38 years for breaking. They got caught by a boarder crossing guard who had a cool prego scanner. They were crossing the boarder from Canada into America and what I don't understand is why they didn't just stay there.


So anyways they were sent to prison for about 38 years. They didn't get sent to any old prison, they got sent to motherfucking FORTRESS. Fortress is a underground prison which exists in the middle of a desert, the prison has all kinds of cool laser shit going on, and some fucked up mind reading scanners that project a grid on your head while they scan you. If you dream they fuck with your dream and turn it into something terrible. Rayden was dreaming of fucking his wife when the warden stepped in and fucked it up, not until he watched for a few minutes though.

And the warden is.....



RED

FORMAN MOTHER FUCKER!!


I am going to tell you his real name because it is blowing my mind. His real name is Kurtwood Smith. So anyways Warden Red Forman turned out to be some fucked up cyborg thing who gets exploded after being shot a bunch and he explodes into blue cool aid. It looked delicous. It turned out that he was a baby owned by the company that owns the prison. The comany uses the babies from prego convicts to create slaves to help run the prison better. Red Forman bartered with Rayden guy's wife and she ended up living in the Wardens quarters so that her baby didn't turn into a fucked up blue coolaid blooded monster. She was pretty lucky because he had no reproductive organs and couldn't rape her. He only wanted her for company because he had lived his entire life in the quarters. Honestly the film is worth seeing just because Red Forman explodes.

Apparently there is a sequal.