Sunday, September 28, 2008

Electric Avenue

Gentlemen, 2

So all of a sudden you are teleported into another reality where you are in the most comfortable chair that you can imagine. The chair is strapped to Cole Train (from gears of war) back, and Chewbacca is your co pilot and instead of Cole Train it is a 747 jet (lol they are called 747) and Chewie has some hat on, but he takes it off because he doesn't like it.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dog Adventures

So I walking down my street with my pipe in my mouth and right when I light my lighter two dogs started barking, and jumped on some guy. The guy was some bmxer who rode past me a few seconds before this. The guy was streaming for help so, I ran up. As soon as I started running they both started to bark and run at me.

I know it will be the end of me, but I am not the slightest bit afraid of dogs. Highly trained killing machine police dogs terrify me, but all other dogs do not. I naturally assume that they are all friendly and if they were to attack someone, they would only do it in a kind of playful manner. These dogs looked like friendly pets, who enjoy attention. So as they were running at me I put my hands out to pet them, and that is what I did. I kneeled there petting them for about 2 minutes then they ran off, barking.

Later on I developed the story that could have possibly been what happened before they got to me.

Both of these dogs looked like they had very recently been cleaned, so either they are good at cleaning themselves or they had just escaped their previous owners. If they were going to escape their owners they must have wanted to, which means that they probably had shitty owners. These dogs were acting like neighbor dogs would act, and yes I am now going to explain now neighbor dogs act. They were overly playful towards each other so they obviously didn't live together. They were very playful in the running around with each other sense, and they weren't awkwardly sniffing each others asses. If they were neighbor dogs they would obviously be used to each others presence, but not used to running in three dimensions with them.

THEY WOULD ONLY PLAY IN 2D! (Running along the fence with each other)

All of this makes sense if you really think about it.

If these two dogs wanted to leave because they hated the humans that owned them, then they must have planned it out all hardcore. Knowing their owners habits, as they would, they trained when their owners were away. One of the dogs would train at jumping (Oh and did I mention that one of them looked like it was good at jumping?), while the other would dig a tunnel under the fence. I say tunnel because the other dog looked like it wouldn't settle for a shitty hole. At night the dogs escaped. The jumping one jumped over the fence into the digging one's yard. This was easy for the jumping dog, as it had been training for months and the fence separating the yards was shorter then the surrounding fences. The digging one finished the lighting system to the tunnel, making it easier to travel through it (this dog was fucking bad as I'm telling you). After escaping the yard they were free to do anything they wanted.

With their new found freedom the two dogs would obviously go to the one place that all free dogs go. That tree from Go Dog Go. Do I need to get a picture? Fuck! Well I'm not going to post it here, I will post a link so that you are reminded of the tree by reading and not right away with the picture. Ok so I couldn't find it, but I did find a picture of a tree that looks like the tree I am talking about. It can be viewed here, when you view it imagine that it is a dog city with a bunch of cool ass dogs partying on it. Once the dogs reached the city they were shocked to see that it wasn't as bumping as the Dr. Seuss book lead them to believe. All the dogs were indoors, it seemed as if they were hiding from something. Wondering what was going on the dogs headed towards the castel and upon arival were rushed to the king dog's chamber. The king dog gave them a quest. A quest to save the great tree dog city from the evil cat dragon, who had been killing dogs who partied.

It looked something like this.


To Be Continued

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Quick thought

Imagine if Buzz Lightyear hot boxed his glass helmet thing. It's obvious that he would need some kind of robotic arm to hold it, as his arms cannot pass through glass.

Half of the credit for this thought goes to nero.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Saturday, September 13, 2008

You have my ear, citizen.

Oh no you didn't

Full version:

Thursday, September 11, 2008


So today i remembered a film made in the 90's that most people will recall seeing yet probably wont recall liking. The movie TRUCKS was a based on a short story by Stephan King. I mean can you imagine him going up to his publisher and suggesting a story based on trucks coming to life and killing people. Now i am a fan of the movie, most people can't even recall the actors yet when someone mentions that bad ass joker truck the film comes to mind, at least that's what i think. Stephan King in my mind is a mediocre author but his idea about 3 tons of steel coming alive is fucking amazing, unfortunately the movie did poorly which is probably why you won't see it at your local Future Shop. Which leads me to another thought....BIGFOOT! If you want to know about something the world need it's more bigfoot videos. You know the ones, there overly obscure images of what could be a guy in a suit or actually a mother fucking Bigfoot. This century needs a really good bigfoot video, it wouldn't matter at all whether it was real or not.

The cars that ate paris

If at a first glance of this film's poster you think "Shit yeah a movie about some French people getting eaten by cars", you are terribly wrong. This film could have been a hour long B movie where cars are running rampant eating everyone in site, but instead you get shit on a stick. My entire opinion of this movie is totally bias because I started watching it assuming that what I said above would happen.

The story follows George who is traveling through rural Australia, with his brother. It turns out that George has a huge fear of cars and driving in general, and what he goes through doesn't quite help it. First, his they are in a car accident in which his brother is apparently killed. Not knowing what to do George hangs out around town. There was almost no sympathy shown towards his loss, as the town's people are all bat shit crazy. George attempts to leave the town a few times, but fails as he is terrified of getting run the fuck over by the teens of the town who drive around in war ass looking cars, looking for people to kill.

Over time it becomes obvious that the town has managed to exist for as long as it has by causing car crashes and harvesting the people/cars. If George was a normal person and not the shy/frightened of everything person that he is, he could have easily left the town.

The entire plot is just George slowly finding out how fucked up the town is, although he doesn't do shit about it until the very last scene. The very last scene is the only one that is worth mentioning. The youth of the town, who attempt to kill everyone with their cars, start fucking up the town. They pretty much destroy every building accept the barn that all the town's folk were in because of a ball. Two or three people attempted to stop the cars using sticks, which resulted in their death.

The thing that kept my hopes of cars at least eating people is every now and then a animal growl would be made when the camera zoomed in on a car, but I think that was just added in there because Peter Weir is a twat.

Oh and in case you are wondering, yes that spiky car from the picture is in the film (thank fuck!), but only one person is shown getting killed by it.


Monday, September 8, 2008

No scope idea

This idea came to me today during a no scope sniper match on Team Fortress 2, but I suppose it could work with just about any game where when you are not zoomed in with a gun you have no ridicule.
Simply shoot your gun while not scoped and with a pencil draw a "X" where the bullet hole is. Now you will be able to pull of the perfect no scope every time!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Sloths are kings

It's commonly known that sloths do more chilling in there entire life then any other creature. If you were to put them in any environment they would find a way to chill just as well as any other one. My only question is: how did they manage to survive evolution? Without going through the trouble of researching anything whatsoever, I have come up with two possible explanations.

Either all other animals as well as nature itself left the sloth the fuck alone simply because it was always chilling so much. Would you eat a guy who looked as comfortable as a sloth? The other possible explanation is the fact that sloths used to be fucking gigantic! Fossil records indicate that they were massive motherfuckers!


On the subject of the above video I would like to say two things. The British pronounce sloth very amazingly, and that the sloth obviously lives by the rules of don't shit where you eat.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Spy vs Spy

I am just learning that there is a spy vs spy show. Wow.

You know what feels good?

Finding out things when baked that you would not have found out out if you were sober. For example I realized that Blow Up The Sky could be shortened into Buts. I didn't plan this. Feels good.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Darth Thriller

Fuck your shitty fail pics

I remember I time when it was possible to stumble the internet without being bombarded by piece of shit webpages that are full of the same old fail pics that everyone has seen. The first time you see them they are a little funny but after encountering the same goddamn pics well over 60 times, I am past the point of being disgusted. I know that the majority of the content on the internet are just re-posts, but is it really necessary to add these to stumbleupon?

Even if they are added by people who have never seen them before (which is understandable) they should be reported and removed from stumbleupon. So please help do your part to keep stumbleupon free of these pages.