Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dr. Steel


Okay so reading the "The top five posts of 2008 that I was too high to finish" made me remember that I should fucking finish off this Dr. Steel article because well, we all have to do our part to help the good doctor take over the world. Yeah, you heard me right take over the fucking world.

Dr. Phineas Waldof Steel is the greatest man of our time. A multi-talented genius who's creative talents extend far beyond what a sane mind could possibly comprehend. Using his infinite talent as an outlet to the general public, he has a message of change for a better world. In fact this better world he speaks of is in fact a "Utopian Playland" and that is most certainly a future to strive for.

Now how does one take over the world for such a purpose? Well like any leader he has an army, an army of loyal Toy Soldiers, (myself being one of said loyal soldiers). But the actions and demonstrations of this ever growing army are enjoyable events wherein the soldiers goals are to spread the word of Dr. Steel, hand out propaganda, and most of all.. HAVE FUN!!

Not only a doctor of spin, a professor of reality engineering, and a Minister of Metaphysics. Dr. Steel is also a talented musician whose genre is difficult to define at best, but the closest it can be defined is "Operatic Industrial Hip Hop".

Back And Forth



Build The Robots



Fibonacci Sequence



Well now, you may be wondering how YOU can be a part of this amazing ever expanding movement in the name of fun, well it's simple...

Just Click To Enlist In Dr. Steel's Army Of Toy Soldiers:



I see the future.
The future is Steel...

The top five posts of 2008 that I was too high to finish

There have been many posts that I have started but not completed. Funny enough most of these posts could have been the best I have made. It's difficult being a extremely lazy stoner and running a blog about it. Perhaps next year I will find a method of making this work...

Comfort City
This post was going to be an extremely detailed outline of the state of ultimate comfort and how I achieved it. I was going to go into detail explaining the comfort points added by each individual item and how they were used. For example: my computer chair is a bed.

Dr. Steel
I was going to make an amazing post on how awesome Dr. Steel is but it didn't make it past the third sentence.

Why Domino is very worth watching
This post was going to consist of 10 great reasons to watch the movie Domino. One of these reasons was Christopher Walken saying "is that pot?"

Are you bored? A step by step tutorial on converting your toilet into something
faster

This post was far too awesome to have ever be finished. I was going to make a picture tutorial on how to turn your toilet into a motorcycle so you could take a shit in the fast lane. I even started taking pictures of the project but it just wasn't meant to be.

Portable hotbox
In this post I was going to explain the awesomeness of a device that I found that could easily be used to make a one person hotbox. If I find it again this post will be made.

I Eat Things High Ep 1 and 2



Thursday, December 25, 2008

Capitalism

Capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism capitalism

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Portal Drinks


I stumbled upon a list of drinks, which were based on things from Portal. These drinks include Chell, Glados, Sentry Gun, The Drink is a lie, and motherfucking The Cake is not a Lie! Do you see how delicious it looks in that picture? It looks so fucking good.

Here are the directions:

The Cake is Not a Lie

Get it while it’s hot

Glass:
Rocks Glass

Garnish:
Strawberry Slices

Shaken

  • 2 cl Whiskey
  • 1 cl kahlua
  • 1 cl Bols Brown Cacao
  • 1 cl Cherry Liqueur
  • 1 cl Bols Strawberry
  • Top Up with Double Heavy Cream

Directions:
Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into ice-filled Rocks glass. Top up with Cream

Notes:
Inspired by the 'Midnight over Tennessee'


Interested in the other drunks? Click below

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM

Sunday, December 21, 2008

"Office Space" Recut

This shit is too funny not to post.


Yep


So it's been freezing cold for the past week or so and usually I would be toughing it out, but fuck that. Being comfortable is the most important thing to me at this point in my life; so I am staying inside as much a fucking possible. There isn't a reason why I should freeze my nuts off, especially when I could be at a level of comfort that few people can say they have reached.

Because I am staying inside I am going to need something to do. While trying to figure out what I was going to do inside for practically the entire winter a friend, who I sold my old WoW account to, came online and gave it back to me, with a month payed for, and the new expansion added to it. So now Blow Up The Sky can be what it was in the beggining. A blog that I would post in while WoW was tabbed and after smoking a bowl.

So anyways, I need to tell you of a story. I don't know the whole story myself. That is probably why I am so amazed by it, but man it's fucked up. There is a family with a dog that lives across the street from my house. This dog has rediculouly short hair for this weather and so leaving it ouside is one of the cruelist things anyone could do; and yet these motherfuckers keep leaving their dog outside in the freezing ass cold. For the first three knights the dog was barking to come in, and on the third moring I looked out my window to see a Vet van parked in front of the house and then I see two guys come out from the back yard carrying a stiff ass dead dog.

The next day I looked out my window only to see that the very same dog was outside, alive and well, chilling in a newly built dog house.

Would you like an explanation? I DON'T FUCKING HAVE ONE!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Christmas Amazo


Imagine that you are high as fuck on Acid and all of a sudden you are in front of this house. Ascetically pleasing to the core.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Mario Kart for realsies



This guy is a pimp because he whips banana peels around in traffic.
'Nuff said.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Cop buster busts cops


If you're a stoner and you use the internet chances are that you have at least heard of Barry Cooper. Barry Cooper is famous as the narcotics officer who quit the force to help people who have been tricked by police usually involving marijuana. Barry released his DVD Never get busted again a few years ago, which has helped thousands of people learn the laws and how not to get tricked by police officers.

Recently though, Barry has done something so epic that he deserves a metal. Barry rented a small house in Odessa, Texas and filled it with growing equipment and Christmas trees! He did this knowing that the police would eventually come by with infrared cameras and assume that it was a grow op. It has been ruled by the supreme court that it is illegal to use infrared cameras in a case such as this, even though they still get used.

Less then a day later the police busted open his doors only to find his lawyer sitting there surrounded with cameras and computer equipment streaming the footage directly to the internet. FUCKING OWNED.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Turkish Rambo

A hero worth talking about


I found this forum post and I just had to share it.

I got off of work 4 hours ago. I was so completely tired and my feet swollen from working on them for 12 hours straight. Yet I hadn't a clue why I stayed at work after I clocked off but I stayed for 20 minutes drinking coffee in the employee room.
I was walking home and I witnessed a car crash. A Honda slammed on it's brakes but it was too late and hit a truck in front of them and the Honda CRUNCHED. I was on the other side of the street and I ran across 6 lanes of traffic in rush-hour to see if they were okay. The guy in the Honda was wedged in his car and couldn't get out without help and I noticed underneath the hood of his car, it was smoking like crazy. I got him out (while yelling at him that it was totally his fault) and ran to the truck. 2 teenage girls hop out of the truck and were fine. I heard sirens in the distance and seeing they were fine, jokingly asked them "have any drugs you would like me to hide for you?" and a waft of marijuana (not smoke) escapes their truck. I happen to have a hospital-issued odor eliminator called 'm9 odor eliminator' on me at all times because Im a stoner. I spray down their truck and they hand me a good half oz and a pipe that was in a Safeway bag and I shoved it in my jacket. I still heard sirens but no emergency vehicles were in sight yet. I told them after everything was taken care of, I'd be at the Starbuck's down the road and to meet me there. 45 minutes later, they met me at Starbucks.

To make a long story short, they gave me the phattest nug I have ever seen for my troubles and on top of that, they smoked me out! How fucking cool is that!?

Here is a link to a m9 Odor Eliminator page.

Here is the original post





Dons Guns

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Niggah now you be Griddlin'!!


I stare at the clock and there's but 14 minutes until the weekend is finally over, I sit here baked and coming in and out of a mild acid high from a failed attempt to trip today..

It all began some time ago, before the weekend had even started. Mushrooms had become available and apparently rather good ones as well.. Redzion and I had enough money to buy a good sum of these mushrooms, I had never properly tripped on mushrooms because I am nigh immune to their effects but was optimistic to try after being told how potent they were. Being led to believe so opted for us to bring a third member along, Nero of course being said party member. Dividing the mushrooms up into 2 larger equal piles for myself and Redzion, and one smaller one for Nero. With all things in order we ventured out, heading on foot to the mountain it was cold and wet out but pleasant nonetheless. Hiking around, staring at the slough, and enjoying the surroundings ensued, all of which seemed to be chasing after the promising engagement of a trip about to begin, but had gone nowhere. After some time I had realized the mushrooms had been a failed attempt for at least myself experiencing mild colour distortion if anything at all beyond the overall pleasant scenery on the mountain.

Regretful of the decision to share came followed by the damnation of my immunity to psilocybin. The day had ceased to be and another had begun, and on this other day Redzion contacted me in hopes for Mushrooms 2 Electric Boogaloo so as to engage in a proper trip, I happily obliged to his offer and with some work I managed to get more money to contribute to the days events. This time with more mushrooms between just the two of us. Walking across town to pick up the sporelicious mush, and then dividing it in an alley. I instantly nommed mine, and persistently chewed until it was but a pulpy liquid of drug. Due to how fucking cold and wet outside it was we designated our trip toward a friend's place. Feeling kind of high from time to time, it was there but never elevated to the point of tripping and found that the most gratifying part of the experience was how incredibly comfortable I was sitting there, and listening to music which seemed to effect the mushrooms the most, with mild auditory distortion, and displacement. It was finally dark out and we decided to go walk and look at the night time scenery which included Christmas lights and other such bright wonders. He went home, and I'd returned to my friends. Again, another failed attempt but this time mostly on my friends wallet. The party I was with headed over to Randy's where it was the night's saving point was getting baked and playing Smash Bros Brawl and learning of an acid contact, which was excellent as the last time I has done LSD it was an amazing experience encompassing many elements to what was essentially "The Perfect Trip." I'd started at around noon gone up to the mountain where heavy visualizations came to me, colours were amplified to the point of glowing off of the object it was, and I had wandered the mountain barefoot in the earth of the mountain enjoying every facet of the experience and when I had come down off the mountain it was only the start of a vast journey. Going off into the night, the tail lights on cars were streaming ten fifteen feet behind them glowing brightly. ...Reminiscing that experience is an experience in of itself.

Sunday.. the last day... Acid day......

Up before noon and already, plans for a third attempt to trip had been brewed. Again, the regular three being myself Redzion, and Nero were the subjects. Pitching our money together we were able to purchase 1.5 blotters a piece. Onto the tongue they went, and out we went. Our journey had been directed to that of the Mall's as it was almost December, the Christmas decorations, and lights would be strewn about along awesome childrens toys to look at and what not. I felt myself coming up in the mall slight visual distortion here and there, but also receiving the acid mindset wherein your thought patterns differ and you can literally feel and think differently. I had excitedly awaited the trip that was to come. We visited many different stores in both malls, enjoying the scene and went to Canadian Tire where I lived a life of enjoyment and was enthralled with EVERYTHING the brightly coloured liquids, the tall isles looming over me, the lamps section, and everything else. Still yet the acid high had not broken thresh hold and I had declared it the final failure in my weekend of attempts. Returning from the mall, Redzion went home and I went to Nero's. I started cleaning the bowl to my bubbler and got a decent sized ball of resin that I didn't expect, and then some massive resin globbage from the stem, this incited my nigh OCD scraping mindset, and I scraped that motherfucker cleaaaaan as can be. But then came the dilemma of consuming this substance, as I could put it in my bubbler but hot knifing it would be way more efficient and a better use of it. Couldn't hot knife in his kitchen it was too early and his family was bound to notice, so in despair we thought. And then Nero has an idea, a legendary one... his idea was the heart and soul to this post his idea was...


THE GRIDDLER!!


We took that amazing hunk of metal and raw Griddling power into his room, plugged it in set it to Griddle at 420 degrees on SEAR mode and BAM!! we had fucking hot knives ready to go. The Griddler is a fine accessory for portable, plug in, hot knives, and there is a surefire pimp festival to go down from use of The Griddler. From the comfort of our seats, we took beaner after beaner via a modified lightsaber as the hooter, Niggah, we was GRIDDLIN'!! It was the final redemption to a multitude of failure. Ripped and ready to make my leave I was poured a bag of muncha-cruncha-liscious nesquik cereal, it was a delicious and chocolatey snack for the return home. Walking all the way home, I went to my room to remove my jacket, seating myself at my computer..... I stare at the clock and there's but 14 minutes until the weekend is finally over, I sit here baked and coming in and out of a mild acid high from a failed attempt to trip today..

Mystery Science Theater 3000 saved my life

So I was coming down from mushrooms and so unbelievably bored that I wanted to kill myself. Seriously I was so fucking bored. There was absolutely nothing to do... and then MST3K came on. Actually before it came on I scrounged up a bowl to kill my boredom.

I have heard of the show in the past but never seen it in all of it's glory. The primes for the show is a man and his robot sidekicks are trapped on a satellite and forced to watch B movies all day. During these B movie's they make fun of the movie, it's the best fucking thing ever.

Here is the intro to season 10


And here is a sample of what the show is


By the way, drug related jokes are made.

Funniest thing of the week

This comercial show sjust how powerful Blizzard has become. There are going to be many people who start playing wow simply because Ozzy is in a commercial for it. None of that matters simply because of his character's face at the end when he yells "SHARRRON!".




Saturday, November 29, 2008

Mortal Kombat Guy Soundboard

So some people at Maxim were interviewing Herman Sanchez, who does the menacing Finish Him voice in Mortal Kombat (His name is fucking Herman Sanchez), and they did what anyone else who was in a conversation with this man would to... Make him say funny shit. Anyways here is the soundboard that they made, I think it could have been a lot better but I luled a bit.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Unfinished Swan


The Unfinished Swan is a first-person painting game set in a world that is always one bold color. The video pretty much says it all. When I found this it was in a video called "chill game" and I must say this is quite a chill. I hope there is some development for this soon.

Virtual Barber Shop

I am going to have to ask you to do several things:

1) Do some drugs
2) Put on some quality headphones
3) Cover your eyes with something
4) Play this video

Working


As a means to earn money every few weeks I have been independently hired by a company to deliver door nob ads. Don't get me wrong I hate these advertisements very much, but it's easy as shit do to and you make decent money. I'm not kidding you. For about 4 hours work I made exactly $100, which I think is pretty sweet.

Because the job is so easy it requires very little thought, which means I can do the job baked. You would be surprised at the meditative state that you can reach when delivering these ads. You become tuned out to the rest of the world and focused on deep thought. Most of this thought consists of theories involving people or things that I see. You wouldn't believe what I see. Are you aware how many different alarm companies there are, yet how few different screen door types? It's small things like that. Seeing people's arrangement of garden ornaments and wondering the story behind each one of them. Each house I deliver to has people with there own life, opinions, and story; it blows my mind.

So the other day when I was delivering these ads I was considering not smoking up until I got to the routes I knew. I would finish the new route, which by the way was 420 ads, and go get baked and do the one's that I knew because I had a strategy for them. I was thinking about this when I walked up to a house with the address 47420, I looked down at my watch and the time was 4:19, and to top it off the route I was delivering was still very much 420 ads. I don't think I need to say what choice I made.

Also on the way back I was getting pretty pissed off at the fact that sidewalks are at the side of the road. What the fuck is that shit about? Car's, which are quickly moving masses of metal and explosive liquids, are speeding only feet beside foot pedestrians. There has to be a better way of doing this.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Movies Worthy of Your High Times



After scrounging I found a decent sized resin slathered roach and through it in my bubbler so I could sit down and watch a movie, I ended up choosing Wanted. As in that action movie that looked kind of like a generic, Matrixy action movie about assassins.. Well it turns out to be something more, MUCH more.

I'll take you guys up to speed on my lazy ass synopsis.The movie is about some loser who is a fucking pussy, there is a group of assassins who kill people in fucking sweet ways, they kidnap loser guy who happens to be the son of one of the best assassins to have lived, and was recently killed by a rogue assassin. Loser guy becomes badass guy, tons more killing, some sweet plot shit and tons more killing.

The movie starts off with a bang, which instantly captivated my reluctant attention to the screen. On the action movie standard action scale of one to ten, it's just below Shoot 'Em Up, and Crank, at about thirty million. The action picks up quickly, and lasts a good portion of the movie, changing the expected boring dialogue speech to they're saying cool captivating shit all the while people are being killed, beaten, shot, stabbed, and BLOCKING FUCKING BULLETS WITH OTHER BULLETS!! Like that shit is hardcore.

There are knife fights, plenty of Gun Fu, and a surprisingly decent story. Lots of explosions and rather well... unique action scenes that I can't really explain 'til you see yourself. Lots of people are killed, and not just killed, but righteously owned in ways that make you go "Holy shit, that was fucking cool!!" Heads explode, bullets weave and wind their way to targets via advanced shooting techniques, and millions of rats explode. And yes, you read that correctly.

Gratuitous violence: Check.
Awesome Visually Pleasing Cool Shit: Very fucking check.
Intense Action: Oh Lord yes!
Trippy Shit: Yeah, they even have that angle covered.
And This:

This movie is Deemed Worthy As Fuck of your High Times.

Smoking With A Shotgun

Thursday, November 20, 2008

This


got me high today, VERY high. It was dubbed "Killer" (and for good reason cause this thing slays in ALL the right ways) by BJ my friend and owner of that gorgeous piece of glassware.

It has a massive bowl, and delivers pleasantly savage tokes that leave the thickest smoke billowing from your mouth the moment you open it. Smoking this at the back of a school field while there was a PE class playing in that field was a good call because the wind was blowing their way so they could smell the delicious greenery we were consuming.

Then after that wonderful sesh I walked across town to proceed to get higher later in the day with Redzion whilst still being high from the previous endeavour that was that bong, where I just chilled out watched Saints Row II get played and listened to a lot of super chill music.. And then while coming home and being high I found this... Prepare your minds, and constrain your face muscles, melting of the mind will probably occur.









........













Clutch are thirty-two million kinds of awesome



Watch that. If that is not the most metal thing you have seen all day then you are doing some pretty metal things. Like stomping on the skulls of endangered species with steel toe boots made from human skeletons metal. If you are doing things of that metal-magnitude, or metatude if you will, then you should call up Universal studios or some shit and when they answer just yell. They will imediatly sense your incredible skill at being awesome, and give you an action movie deal. You will then spend all of the budget on knives and whiskey, and make the movie a documentary about how you got drunk as shit and stabbed people for two hours. It will win seven golden globes.

Anyhow, Clutch. They are the stonerest blusiest rockinest band ever. Neil Fallon is king is three countries because he deposed the previous ruler by melting them with the deep tones of his voice. I mean the fire, which is on his beard mind you, gets the fuck out when he starts singing at full intensity again. What is not to love?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Cosmic Drug Dealer

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I'll just leave this here

Marijuana is DANGEROUS!


LOL!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Stuff Legends Are Made Of


Marijuana, that viciously delicious herb that tantalizes our taste buds and tingles our nerves. Saturday night a friend of mine NERO and I had gone on a quest for some cannabis. I inquired if my friend had brought his cellphone, and he had forgotten, so I was without the ability to call my normal dealer.

Walking across town to another friends in hopes of salvation was in fact another failure as they were not at home, but continuing on we came across an associate of mine named Dustin, I asked if he knew where we could acquire some marijuana. Upon hearing this he promptly responded "How much?" And we replied "Just a dime.." He brought us aside opened his backpack where he had a satchel, and within the satchel there was a large sum of gorgeous looking bud, he said it was some kind of Kush. He asked to eyeball it, I agreed as I thought a scale outside by the street was as impractical as it was stupid. He gave us a small handful of beautiful little nugs that we happily paid for.

The weed smelled fucking incredible, it's pungent odour was something to be smelled afar despite how small the amount was. Returning to his house we used my bubbler to consume this tasty cannabis treat. I busted it up and packed the massive bowl atop the bubbler, it went back and forth nicely a few times and when it was gone I was high.. Like REALLY high, and then 5 minutes later I was even fucking higher. We played Street Fighter on his SNES, and watched old recorded Digimon episodes from The Zone on YTV. It fucking blew my mind in half because not only was I really really high, it had commercials from the 90's my fucking childhood was being thrown before my eyes the nostalgia was nigh lethal. This kept us high as balls for several hours, and in fact went to sleep ripped to shit in the early hours of morning.

Waking up late and chillin out was sweet, and even better when I discovered they was more then a packed bowls worth left, smoking this we got even fucking higher and played Diablo II while listening to both Alestorm (PIRATE METAL MOTHERFUCKERS!! YEEAAAHH!!) and Dr. Steel (future emperor of the world I'll post about him later.) We then quit Diablo II after a longass time ate a bunch more food, and then listened to more music ranging from Streetlight Manifesto, to Venetian Snares, Andrew WK, and Infected Mushroom.

The moral of the story is it was really fucking good weed, and in fact I am high right now typing this from the resin that that bud provided me with...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

New Fanboys Trailer



I've been waiting sense I saw Clerks 1 for this film to come out.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Ronald Jenkees

Ronald Jenkees is fucking amazing. There isn't much to say here so just listen.

Oh yeah, this song is a fucking improv jam.





I had to post another

The Protomen


Okay motherfuckers listen up, you like cyberpunk dystopian futures? You like bands that kick copious sums of ass? You like Megaman? Well then say hello to The Protomen. An Indie band that performs their amazingly well done rock opera version of the epic saga that is Megaman. Whats that? Not that epic of a saga you say? Just a blue dude in a suit shooting things? Well you couldn't be further from the fucking truth, like at all. Just watch the video and you will see how truly epic the Megaman saga is.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Caffeine High


Okay so I never make coffee like EVER, but this morning I woke up early as balls and found it necessary to make some coffee. I put four massive fucking scoops for only 4 cups of coffee as I don't know how to make coffee. This turned out to be a mistake it was SUPER FUCKING STRONG (and in fact left a sludge like residue of pure caffeine in my cup), I put some hot chocolate mix in to mask the overpowering and nigh sickening taste of caffeine and slammed back all four cups. After a while I was fucking awake as possible, in fact I was uncontrollably shaking, felt sick, and high. You might say, dude who cares it's fucking coffee?! Well the point of this post isn't really to talk about my caffeine high it's to say that I just took a piss and IT SMELLED LIKE COFFEE!! Now I don't go about wafting my urine, but it smelled of coffee so strongly I said to myself something smells like coffee, and then I realized the smell was my piss. Now that is not something I am proud of it's just rather disturbing, and I thought I should inform the world of it why? Do I seriously need a reason I mean come on look at this site.

The Most Metal Game Ever / Another Greatest Game No One Has Played (Yet)


I am of course speaking of Brütal Legend, now I am not one to simply preemptively love a game, but in this case I am afraid I have no choice in the matter. Coming from the deranged genius that is Tim Schafer, Brütal Legend is quite possibly the strangest, most unique, and most fucking Brütal game to ever exist.

You play as Eddie Riggs, (named after Iron Maidens infamous mascot, and voiced by Jack Black) Eddie is roadie for a metal band and whilst tuning a guitar starts to bleed on his all too bitchin' (and apparently cursed) belt buckle. This causes his buckle to come to life and whisks him off to an alternate realm which consists of heavily influenced Norse mythology (AKA the best fucking mythology) and Metal, yes I mean the genre of music where they bust out solos that sound like impaled dying pig fetuses squealing in eternal pain and gurgling on their own festering bodily fluids. And if you think that would sound shitty then you CLEARLY don't listen to enough Slayer, and if you think Slayer is shitty then I hope you fucking choke on a placenta sammiche.

Anyhow, back to the masterpiece at hand.. Allow me to quote Wikipedia to further prove the nigh infinite amounts of badassery that emits from this game. "Riggs must climb a mystical mountain to do battle with a motorcycle driving bass guitarist (voiced by Motörhead's Lemmy), called the Kill Master"

The gameplay is that of an action adventure game, the known weaponry in the game is a battle axe that is used to viscerally cleave your enemies into oblivion, a guitar that is the source of casting magic spells. Yeah you heard me right, you bust out bitchin' solos to annihilate your enemies with an array of spells that includes summoning the wrath of pyrotechnics below your enemies incinerating them, or performing a face melting solo that will LITERALLY melt your foes faces the fuck off. And last but not least the Deuce, the Deuce is a car, a really REALLY badass car that you can upgrade in ancient garages, and is used to travel the large open world in the game.

Oh and let's not forget to mention, that the voice acting cast is quite incredible featuring Jack Black of Tenacious D, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead, Ronnie James Dio of Black Sabbath, and many unnamed Hollywood actors. I could go on for another hundred years talking about this game, but instead I'll just leave you with a trailer that is going to rock your fucking cock off



I apologize to those of you who's cocks just got rocked off.

The Business Behind Getting High


Whether you are one for documentaries or not you should most certainly look into The Union. An upcoming documentary about British Columbia's largest industry. Thats right, everyones favourite plant is B.C.'s biggest industry, B.C. Bud grosses billions of dollars every year as it's exported out to the states, and across Canada. Home of some of the worlds best bud, British Columbia has a high demand to supply the high nation wide (and then some). The Union covers it's legality, use, users, buyers, growers, sellers, and all the problems this miracle plant could solve, be it medically, economically, or environmentally.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My experience on Dramamine


Yesterday fellow blow up the sky blogger insomniac and I decided to take some Dramamine in the hopes of getting fucked up for the day. After about 4 hours of sitting around waiting for something to happen, we gave up and parted ways. I went home because I was tired, and that's where shit got fucked up.


Before we parted ways, there was a church sign that said "STAY AWAKE!". My immediate response was that we were in a Freddy Kurger dream world and were soon to be doomed. When I was at my house I was laying on my couch watching TV dozing in and out of sleep. At one point I felt so heavy that I was completely unable to move. It was at this point that I noticed a red glowing coming from the crack below the door to the room known to me and my friends as "the freddy room". We call it that becasue when I moved in it looked sort of like Freddy Kruger's boiler room workshop. Anyways I was dozing in and out of sleep staring at the door when suddenly it burst open and a fucking manta ray with Freddy's face started flying around in my room. I started laughing because I mean Freddy's face on a manta ray. I don't even remember how or if it left, all I remember is attempting to contact the outside world via my computer. I am waiting for confirmation on whether or not my messages reached the people I sent them to.

One thing's for sure. I got fucked up on that shit.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Chair Thrown In Political Debate


This requires no explanation.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Grinders want to grind, Boomers want to boom, I want to play Fallout 3


I want to tell you a story, a story that may or may not make you feel sympathy for people in the same boat as me. If you are in the same boat as me then just know that you are not alone. I have sense the release day of Fallout 3 only been able to play it today, and that game play only lasted about 4 minutes. I know that many people are going to think "it's just a game dude chill, there are people who are born as sex slaves and get raped every day." As the second part of that statement may be true, the first is completely false. Fallout III (I am now going to use Roman Numerals when referring to this game as it completely deserves it) is probably the best game that has been been released to date. I have seen my friends become addicted to the point of meth fiendery, and I have sat by and waited. I have passed up opportunities to play it simply because I know that playing it for an amount of time less then 72 hours is completely unacceptable. Just recently I got the game to work on my PC. The PC version has one major problem at this time, IT CRASHES EVERY FUCKING FEW MINUTES!

This post isn't about Fallout III, it's about the fact that I have played every big game released sense then. This includes Gears Of War 2, which I have to problems with. You see one of the problems with Fallout III is that it makes every game obsolete in comparison, this was true for some period of time but I have learned to control it. I have learned to enjoy games that aren't Fallout III.

Rather then summing up how good Gears Of War 2 is I am instead going to explain how good of a time I had playing it. I sat down relatively baked with a 12er of Coke, I turned murmaider on and set my media player to repeat. I busted out my shotgun and used nothing but. If this doesn't sound amazing to you yet then I believe that you have no idea how amazing the new gears of war gore system is.

OK so I lied, I also used the Boltok Pistol, for long ranged attack of course. I really hope that this has summed up how good of a time I have had because at this point I am so intoxicated that I am unable to sum it up any further.

Oh and as for an explanation of what the fuck a grinder is I will link you to it's Gearspedia page.
Click here to leanrn all about Boomers.
Boomers and grinders are one and the same, the only diference is the weapons that they use. Oh and the fact that boomers say BOOM! and grinders say GRIND! At one point in the game I had taken out all the enemies except for 3 Grinders and 2 boomers, I rolled around them until they ran out of ammo, then I seshed them up.

I have tried to find a video of boomers saying "boom!" and grinders saying "grind", but sadly there is only one video which is narrated by a very loud and anoying English kid so fuck it.

Oh and to everyone who says: "dude WTF why you no use no chainsaw?" I did, but only at the parts that fucking needed it. I know it's hard to believe that a chainsaw mounted to a assult rifle is not better then a shot gun, this is something you are going to have to trust me with.

Finally I am going to end this by giving you an amazing piece of knowledge. Predators have been implemented into the game.

The Greatest Game You've Never Played / A Post Featuring More Colour!


Thats right, I'm talking about Psychonauts and YES I will be making the word Psychonauts bold and purple everytime I say Psychonauts because it is fucking worth it. I mean look at that cover art, this game is a stoners best friend, or in my case one of the many Deities I follow (Bruce Campbell being the overlord of these deities) Oh yeah and if cover art isn't enough to convince you how fucking awesome it is (cause it sure as shit convinced me.) then I will be inclined to explain and show you why the fuck you should own twelve copies of this game.

First off the style, this game masterfully combines elements of Tim Burton-esque animation with super lush bright glowing mesmerizing colours, it is a hypnotically gorgeous game. Now you take this amazing art style of drool worthy colours, and awesome character designs, and ac
tually you know make well rounded characters out of them (something rather unheard of in the gaming world) I won't bother explaining the story as there is no way I could possibly sum up how insane, twisted, hilarious, and awesome this game's story is. Well I suppose I'll elaborate on the comedic value, think satirical, black humor (not to be mistaken with black people humor). The game itself is an absolute mindfuck, as it is an action platformer, in which YOU GO INTO PEOPLES FUCKING MINDS VIA A FUCKING DOOR ON THEIR FOREHEAD and traverse their mindscape. And yes, it IS as trippy as you'd expect, possibly even more so dependng on the amount of mind altering substances consumed, and just something to look foreword to there is a batshit insane Milkman whos mind you get to enter, and he sees everything as a conspiracy theory and is PARANOID TO SHIT!! You also get several psychic powers that are utilized in rather unique ways. Just look at these pictures, LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING COLOURS MAN!! LOOK! Now YOU! YES YOU have to go purchase as many copies of Psychonauts as you can as Psychonauts is fucking incredible. Like Jesus Cock Knocking Christ I BEG YOU TO GO BUY PSYCHONAUTS!!!!!!!!!





Tim Schafer creator of
Psychonauts has a new game coming out, I will probably be posting that shit ASAP as it is called Brutal Legend, it is about METAL and killing shit.

The Cure To Every Disease Known To Man

I highly recommend http://www.hyperdeathbabies.com why? Because it says HYPER DEATH BABIES FOR FUCK SAKES!!

Scientists Need To Genetically Engineer Better Weed


Now when I say "Scientists Need To Genetically Engineer Better Weed" I mean we need the worlds top fucking scientists improving it in more aspects then potency and taste. (although most weed I smoke is both potent and delicious this ALWAYS has room for improvement) What I have in mind particularly is a Marijuana strain with FUCKING COTTON CANDY PHYSICS!! Now for those of you who aren't aware of my acquired stoner lingo, when I say Cotton Candy physics I mean the ways in which you can manipulate cotton candy, as in how it can be stretched out in delicious fibres woven in and out of each other. Now imagine you get home and you have some fucking delicious looking bud and already you are rather satisfied with your purchase just from the look and amazing smell emitting from your bag, you remove a gorgeous and chasti sized nug to be placed into your buster and you start the process but to your surprise instead of little ground up crumbulets you see that your nug has simply expanded into a fibrous wonder of THC riddled flavour. You can now pull it apart, like cotton candy, stretch it, and obviously smoke it. (I say that last because if I were to discover this I would have played with it for some time, then I'd have to clean up semen puddles from the orgasm, it would have just incurred.) So now scientists of the world I urge you, no. I humbly PLEAD you to create such divine innovations for the world of cannabis consumption so that future generations can have the honour of smoking THIIIIIIISSSSS!!!!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Your Mind Is Going To Fucking Melt

This should have been, and probably was addressed on prior versions of BUTS, but that is neither here nor now and as such it will be RE-addressed. This is going to penetrate your skull, and fuck your brain until blood, brains, and cum flow from your ears. Not much else can be said, as this is an indescribable mind rape.





..Yeah, I know right?

EDIT:
LOL THIS IS THE 69'th POST IT HAS GENITALS IN ITS MOUTH!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

CNN Elections

Watching CNN baked last night during the elections was pretty fun. After Obama started pwning to the point where there was no doubt that he was going to win; CNN started showing crowd reaction shots. Most of the people in these shots were cheering and generally being happy, everyone except for one man. There was a guy who was almost in the front row. He had a suit on and crossed arms and was crying as fuck. Because of his stance I am inclined to believe that he was really sad that McCain didn't win.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

That Reefer Man


That reefer man is so fucking high that this video emits THC soundwaves, it is the bees knees, the cats pajamas, and all that jazz.

Also if this song doesn't convince you of how fucking undeniably awesome smoking weed is, then you are clearly a racist.

Remember Remember the Fifth of November


So this morning I found a box of old fireworks that I somehow managed to put out of my mind, I remember now that I wanted to put them to good use but didn't know when. Also I realized that today is the 4th of November thus making tomorrow the 5th. So luckily I've got my Guy Fawkes day shit prepared. I can almost guarantee that before you read this post you completely forgot about the holiday tomorrow so I am making this post to ensure that more destruction happens.

Something is happening

If you look back at many of the posts here on Blow Up The Sky you may notice that there are areas in some posts with 2-3 extra spaces. I would like to take the time to declare that no one who posts here is doing that. At first I thought it was an annoying glitch, but then I noticed something...




There are totally faces hidden in this shit.




The first conclusion I have made about this strange phenomena is that there are some motherfucking witches fucking with my shit. I will not take shit from witches so get fucked you motherfuckers.

Spin Span Spun


This movie is amazing, one of the few cinematic masterpieces of the drug culture. Faster and faster and faster this meth riddled movie follows it's strange eccentric tweakers and how totally fucked each of them are. It has amazing scene cuts, and fucked up transitions that all add to the experience. I really can't explain this movie at all so I'll just blurt the reasons why you should watch the fuck out of it.

- Really well made
- ACOUSTIC IRON MAIDEN
- A green dog named taco
- explosions
- excessively trippy cartoon sequences one of which involves involving flying into a vagina
- Gratuitous nudity / sex? CHECK!!
- and 70's action cop sequences I shit you not.

To further fuck your mind, there are several references to the game and how they all fucking lost.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Mark Whalberg on PCP


Okay so the only thing you need to know about the Max Payne movie is that it has Mark Whalberg kicking loads of ass by doing the most intensely delicious looking drug ever. It's a pleasant blue liquid that's like PCP multiplied by tripping infinite balls. Theres fucking monsters and shit flying around fire and explosions everywhere, it's like hell in Constantine except you are not actually in hell you are just tripping balls and so jacked up you are fucking invincible, and as such you do back flips with shotguns and take out fucking armies.

WARNING: Shit doesn't really go down for an hour, which is lamecore, but then drugs get involved and shit goes uphill from there.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Quick Post: An Amazing experience

If you are looking for something entertaining to do I suggest watching low quaility speed walkers. I suggest low quality ones because they are able to walk at the correct pace, whereas the Olympic speed walkers are basically running and it's just terrifying. You will know that they are walking at the correct speed when they start to move in slow motion.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Crumpets


Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stockholm syndrome Stock HOLLM. Say holm, right now. Holm.

Holm Stock holm, stock holm, syndrome, sindrome... Drome Drome Drone.


I will now explain to you why this post is. I am using speech to text software. Yeah, I totally said Stockholm syndrome all those times.

So yeah, the reason there have been shit quality posts lately is the same reason there have always been shit quality posts. Smoking weed makes you lazy, and I smoke a lot of weed. There are other people, who have the ability to post on this blog, that haven't been. I don't know if it is because they are not stoned enough, they are just too lame, or because they are too lazy and stoned. If this is the case I am a hero for being able to make the amount of posts that I've made.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

You've never seen anything like this before.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Doomsday


When I saw the trailers for this movie, I was under the impression that it was a lame Road Warrior copycat. I was surprised to find that it was full of awesome. I am now going to sum up each awesome feature that this movie brought to the table.

It starts off with civil panic
When movies start off with a fuck tonne of people getting pwned as they desperately attempt to escape a plague, it usually means that thoughs movies are going to kick ass.

Memories of Mad Max
As I said earlier, this barbaric people in this movie are similar too Lord Humungous and all thoughs fucked up people from mad max. What with there bondage and gimps. Aside from all the bondage and gimps these guys usually dress all punk like, which is pretty awesome. They are also cannibals and with cannibals comes a lot of cool gore. This group is at war with the other half of society....

The Midevil People
That's right, the other half of this society live in a midevil society. They live in a castle and only use things from that era. This is pretty cool because it's a bunch of road warrior punks fighting midevil people! This society is lead by Linderman from heros.

Bloody Awesome
- no less then 3 heads are shown being decapitated.
- many people are splattered with a fuck tonne of blood.
- none of that CGI blood

This movie is the sum of...
Mad Max + Escape from New York + Excalibur + The Warriors + No Blade of Grass + The Omega Man + Waterworld + Gladiator + Children of Men




Oh and some gimps are used as meat shields.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

World of Goo


World of Goo came was released a few days ago and I thought it would be a fun game to play while baked. Needless to say, I was right. If you liked loco roco you should like this game. If for some reason you don't like this game for what it is I have something that can change your mind. Your courser is like the black hole version of shark break. Come to think of it you should just play a lot of shark break. Shark Break!

So Duke Dukem has appeared on my curtain



The other day I found myself staring at my curtain for no reason in particular. When I was staring at it I noticed something. There was what appeared to be shades and a face. The picture I took doesn't show it that well so I have highlighted the shades.

Could this be the ghostly apperation of Duke Nukem? Perhaps it's The Dude's face? It could even be one of the Blues Brothers.









Who's glasses do they look like?

Friday, October 10, 2008

Guitar bong

Bongcraft like this is why I continue doing what I do.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Have you heard about the bird?

As much as I hate things done by family guy that become annoyingly popular; I have to agree that the bird is in fact the word. God help me, I'm so sorry.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

The best part of Walk Hard

This weed will fucking kill you


As bullshit everything stated by officials in this video is, imagine how fucking awesome this weed would be if it were as described.

Weed eating rabits


You thought your spider mite problem was bad?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Electric Avenue

Gentlemen, 2


So all of a sudden you are teleported into another reality where you are in the most comfortable chair that you can imagine. The chair is strapped to Cole Train (from gears of war) back, and Chewbacca is your co pilot and instead of Cole Train it is a 747 jet (lol they are called 747) and Chewie has some hat on, but he takes it off because he doesn't like it.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Gentlemen,

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dog Adventures


So I walking down my street with my pipe in my mouth and right when I light my lighter two dogs started barking, and jumped on some guy. The guy was some bmxer who rode past me a few seconds before this. The guy was streaming for help so, I ran up. As soon as I started running they both started to bark and run at me.

I know it will be the end of me, but I am not the slightest bit afraid of dogs. Highly trained killing machine police dogs terrify me, but all other dogs do not. I naturally assume that they are all friendly and if they were to attack someone, they would only do it in a kind of playful manner. These dogs looked like friendly pets, who enjoy attention. So as they were running at me I put my hands out to pet them, and that is what I did. I kneeled there petting them for about 2 minutes then they ran off, barking.

Later on I developed the story that could have possibly been what happened before they got to me.


Both of these dogs looked like they had very recently been cleaned, so either they are good at cleaning themselves or they had just escaped their previous owners. If they were going to escape their owners they must have wanted to, which means that they probably had shitty owners. These dogs were acting like neighbor dogs would act, and yes I am now going to explain now neighbor dogs act. They were overly playful towards each other so they obviously didn't live together. They were very playful in the running around with each other sense, and they weren't awkwardly sniffing each others asses. If they were neighbor dogs they would obviously be used to each others presence, but not used to running in three dimensions with them.

THEY WOULD ONLY PLAY IN 2D! (Running along the fence with each other)

All of this makes sense if you really think about it.

If these two dogs wanted to leave because they hated the humans that owned them, then they must have planned it out all hardcore. Knowing their owners habits, as they would, they trained when their owners were away. One of the dogs would train at jumping (Oh and did I mention that one of them looked like it was good at jumping?), while the other would dig a tunnel under the fence. I say tunnel because the other dog looked like it wouldn't settle for a shitty hole. At night the dogs escaped. The jumping one jumped over the fence into the digging one's yard. This was easy for the jumping dog, as it had been training for months and the fence separating the yards was shorter then the surrounding fences. The digging one finished the lighting system to the tunnel, making it easier to travel through it (this dog was fucking bad as I'm telling you). After escaping the yard they were free to do anything they wanted.

With their new found freedom the two dogs would obviously go to the one place that all free dogs go. That tree from Go Dog Go. Do I need to get a picture? Fuck! Well I'm not going to post it here, I will post a link so that you are reminded of the tree by reading and not right away with the picture. Ok so I couldn't find it, but I did find a picture of a tree that looks like the tree I am talking about. It can be viewed here, when you view it imagine that it is a dog city with a bunch of cool ass dogs partying on it. Once the dogs reached the city they were shocked to see that it wasn't as bumping as the Dr. Seuss book lead them to believe. All the dogs were indoors, it seemed as if they were hiding from something. Wondering what was going on the dogs headed towards the castel and upon arival were rushed to the king dog's chamber. The king dog gave them a quest. A quest to save the great tree dog city from the evil cat dragon, who had been killing dogs who partied.







It looked something like this.














WILL THE DOGS KILL THE CAT DRAGON?

To Be Continued

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Quick thought


Imagine if Buzz Lightyear hot boxed his glass helmet thing. It's obvious that he would need some kind of robotic arm to hold it, as his arms cannot pass through glass.

Half of the credit for this thought goes to nero.