Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Most Metal Game Ever / Another Greatest Game No One Has Played (Yet)

I am of course speaking of Brütal Legend, now I am not one to simply preemptively love a game, but in this case I am afraid I have no choice in the matter. Coming from the deranged genius that is Tim Schafer, Brütal Legend is quite possibly the strangest, most unique, and most fucking Brütal game to ever exist.

You play as Eddie Riggs, (named after Iron Maidens infamous mascot, and voiced by Jack Black) Eddie is roadie for a metal band and whilst tuning a guitar starts to bleed on his all too bitchin' (and apparently cursed) belt buckle. This causes his buckle to come to life and whisks him off to an alternate realm which consists of heavily influenced Norse mythology (AKA the best fucking mythology) and Metal, yes I mean the genre of music where they bust out solos that sound like impaled dying pig fetuses squealing in eternal pain and gurgling on their own festering bodily fluids. And if you think that would sound shitty then you CLEARLY don't listen to enough Slayer, and if you think Slayer is shitty then I hope you fucking choke on a placenta sammiche.

Anyhow, back to the masterpiece at hand.. Allow me to quote Wikipedia to further prove the nigh infinite amounts of badassery that emits from this game. "Riggs must climb a mystical mountain to do battle with a motorcycle driving bass guitarist (voiced by Motörhead's Lemmy), called the Kill Master"

The gameplay is that of an action adventure game, the known weaponry in the game is a battle axe that is used to viscerally cleave your enemies into oblivion, a guitar that is the source of casting magic spells. Yeah you heard me right, you bust out bitchin' solos to annihilate your enemies with an array of spells that includes summoning the wrath of pyrotechnics below your enemies incinerating them, or performing a face melting solo that will LITERALLY melt your foes faces the fuck off. And last but not least the Deuce, the Deuce is a car, a really REALLY badass car that you can upgrade in ancient garages, and is used to travel the large open world in the game.

Oh and let's not forget to mention, that the voice acting cast is quite incredible featuring Jack Black of Tenacious D, Rob Halford of Judas Priest, Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead, Ronnie James Dio of Black Sabbath, and many unnamed Hollywood actors. I could go on for another hundred years talking about this game, but instead I'll just leave you with a trailer that is going to rock your fucking cock off

I apologize to those of you who's cocks just got rocked off.