Thursday, January 29, 2009

Some old motherfucker

Gather round boys and girls, I'm going to tell you a story about how I was almost killed by a crazy ass old man.

Today I woke up early so that I could complete the Ad delivery routes that I had scheduled for this week. I thought that 9:30ish would be the perfect time to do them because everyone is either at school or work by then... everyone but old retirees. For some reason it didn't occur to me that the morning is when old people partake in old people business. To make matters worse two of the places I deliver to are retirement communities; I do this because their doors are so close to each other that I can literately deliver half the ads in minutes, which makes my backpack a lot lighter.

Now you might be asking "why would you want to avoid old people?" The answer is simple really, they tend to get really pissed off at the fact that I am delivering junk mail and could easily make up a lie to get me fired. A few have actually threatened to!

So I was almost out of the land of old people when I hear a horn from behind me. I glanced behind me and saw a old man driving his car with a really pissed off look on his face immediately I moved out of the way of his car, but I soon found out that this wasn't enough, this old man wanted blood. I looked back at the car again and saw the old man with his thumb up in the air motioning upwards, which to me implied that he was going to send me to the moon! He slammed on the gas, swerved towards me and smashed right into me causing me to fly up and hit is wind shield (seriously this shit happened)!

Immediately I started yelling in anger at the motherfucker because, like anyone would be, I was pissed. Luckily for me I was carrying two large backpacks full of ads, which prevented me from receiving any serious injury. In fact, the only injury I suffered was from smashing my elbow into his windshield.

After recovering myself I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number I thought I would never need to call, the mother fucking fuzz. Luckily for me there were many witnesses, so there is very little chance that the motherfucker is not going to be punished. After answering what seemed like hours of questions I carried on my way. To make a long story short, my life was saved by junk mail!

I'm going to be contacted later regarding what is going to happen.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It's been said before & it will be said again but..

House is a fucking pimp.

I had some resin and hot knifed after Testees which is a goddamn hilarious comedy show created by Kenny Hotz from Kenny Vs Spenny and I may explain in greater deal later, or more likely make a less detailed post about it on the BUTS forum which you should really join if you haven't by the way..

I heard House's voice in the background and I thought to myself "aaaawwe yeeeeeeeaaah House is on and he's gonna be saving people and shit!!" And the very SECOND I sit down really high I hear some kid telling a story and then BAM!! THIS BITCH STARTS PROJECTILE VOMITING BLOOD FUCKING EVERYWHERE!

Which at this point my mind is screaming AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! WTF!! up until half way through chaotic terror I realized it was awesome as hell, and in fact went to a steady THIS IS AWESSSOOOOOOME!! While these interesting and blood soaked medical endeavours proceeded, House schooled several bitches with an elegant combination of quick wit, wrapped in sarcasm, and slathered in smarm sauce. But in the end of the day House cured that bitch of 30 things no one knew she had, AND removed a tumor by conning a surgeon with some crazy medical science trick.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Press B to Doom

Doom, the first game to steep me into the world of senseless violence, and pure unadulterated entertainment. Sadly it was also the first game I played that wasn't featured on a big fucking 10 Inch floppy floppy disk. I don't even know HOW I had a computer that bad seeing as they were made like a hundred fucking years before I was born, but I did. And god was I happy when my family bought a new computer.

Such a MARVELOUS upgrade it was, going from a computer more basic then a fucking single celled organism to... DOS yeah, that's right I was EXCITED about using DOS. Once you headbutted the keyboard enough to find your way to the games section, I can distinctly remember 2 things. One was that you pressed the "B" button on the keyboard to play Doom, the other was that the obnoxiously shitty pixelated titty strip poker game WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO WIN!! Fucking skanks cheated like there was NO tomorrow, and then on top of it all whenever I lost (which was every fucking time) I had to deal with the computer informing me via descriptive text generated message that I was naked before these poor quality photo's of women. Being like 7 years old at the time, it had eternally scarred me.

But regaling to you memories of my technology deprived childhood was not the point of this post, the point of this post is this video of captions from the Doom comic book dramatized for your entertainment. The music is fucking sweet, and the writing is, well... Exactly how the Doom movie script WOULD have been if it stayed true to the game. Also, fans of Evil Dead may notice the MANY references to Ash from the series, a good call in my opinion I mean if you want to imitate a badass you might as well imitate the biggest badass in history.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dead snow

Prepare to shit your pants! Released January 9th in norway, Dead Snow follows a group of Norwegian teenagers on a ski vacation. Their vacation takes a turn to the awesome when they are forced to fight ZOMBIE NAZI'S!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Ripped Review Of: Blueberry

Sitting down at my computer, consuming a delicious sammiche consisting of Nutella, and Caramel, I sit there in a wave of uncontrollable euphoria from just HOW fucking good that sammiche is, in such a state of mind I must completely finish the delectable morsel before I can even begin to locate and begin the film Blueberry on my computer, I finally find it. I am high, and this is my review of the Psychedelic Western film Blueberry.

Now we all love to watch movies, especially while high. But I feel the need to forewarn you that watching Blueberry baked will in no way help you comprehend it's convoluted plot line. The main thing that makes it so convoluted is that there are Indians whom speak in their own tongue but no subtitles are given, and although the movie itself is spoken largely in English you just can't help but feel that you're missing something important... This however does NOT mean you shouldn't watch this movie really high, as it will enhance the experience this movie provides with it's mind bending, beautiful visuals used to represent several drug trips in the film.

Blueberry's setting is in that of a conventional Western film. It's the "Wild West" and sheriffs, saloons, Natives who scalp your head, and lots of awesome hallucinogenics were commonplace. But this is not mainly what drives the story of Blueberry it's just an interesting and unique way to portray the events. After a traumatizing experience where in he witnesses the murder of his lover the protagonist of the film Blueberry finds himself in the care of Native Americans, and later as a Sheriff acts as a diplomat between the Natives & the Americans in attempts quell any disputes.

The Native Americans have a mountain kept secret, and well protected. It is believed that the mountains were filled with gold, and this long sought after treasure had found itself... Well, sought after yet again, but this time from an small obnoxious German Cartographer, and his hard as fuck partner who immediately kills his German accomplices ex-partner to save his life. Upon the two being thrown in prison, Blueberry returns only to find himself thrust back into a past rather forgotten the flashback takes it's toll physically from the immediate distraught. The man in his cell, was the murderer of his lover. He throws his badge to the ground and goes to retrieve the gun that killed his lover so many years ago.. So that he can return the favour.

THIS however, does not go accordingly as the Murderer is freed by his posse Blueberry is knocked out, the building is torched and he is left for dead. Blueberry of course survives the ordeal after being rescued by one of the deputies, and then sets out for vengeance, truth, and justice, but in the process he will uncover the darkest secret his life has hidden from him. Many shamanic rituals, and psychedelic experiences aid him on his quest, and the climax to the film is MORE then anything I could have asked for. So without too much being revealed I will say this about the climax: He ingests the powerful Ayahuasca DMT entheogen, and is transported to another realm where he faces off against his most powerful and hated enemy, to uncover the truth and instill long awaited justice only to have a soul wrenching self realization that forces him to accept the unthinkable.

Although a tad slow, there IS good action in it (some of which may even shock and surprise you), EXCELLENT camera work, a wonderful plot, and fucking GORGEOUS visuals. So if you are looking a purely entertaining film filled with a laughable plot nonstop action and gratuitous sex and violence look elsewhere, but if you want to watch an excellent film with amazing visuals and a good plot I would most certainly recommend Blueberry.

I deem this movie:
Worthy of your high times!
Not your standard film!
Trippy as fuck!
Entertaining & Engaging enough.

Overall Rating: 8/10

Friday, January 9, 2009

The forum is here

There is now a button on the right side of the page that will bring you to the new Blow Up The Sky Forum! You really should join it.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ayahuasca DMT Trip

An amazing scene with incredible visuals representing an Ayahuasca DMT trip from the film Blueberry, you can expect a review of the movie if it's as good as this one scene later... When it's done downloading...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

What time is it?