Thursday, January 29, 2009

Some old motherfucker


Gather round boys and girls, I'm going to tell you a story about how I was almost killed by a crazy ass old man.

Today I woke up early so that I could complete the Ad delivery routes that I had scheduled for this week. I thought that 9:30ish would be the perfect time to do them because everyone is either at school or work by then... everyone but old retirees. For some reason it didn't occur to me that the morning is when old people partake in old people business. To make matters worse two of the places I deliver to are retirement communities; I do this because their doors are so close to each other that I can literately deliver half the ads in minutes, which makes my backpack a lot lighter.

Now you might be asking "why would you want to avoid old people?" The answer is simple really, they tend to get really pissed off at the fact that I am delivering junk mail and could easily make up a lie to get me fired. A few have actually threatened to!

So I was almost out of the land of old people when I hear a horn from behind me. I glanced behind me and saw a old man driving his car with a really pissed off look on his face immediately I moved out of the way of his car, but I soon found out that this wasn't enough, this old man wanted blood. I looked back at the car again and saw the old man with his thumb up in the air motioning upwards, which to me implied that he was going to send me to the moon! He slammed on the gas, swerved towards me and smashed right into me causing me to fly up and hit is wind shield (seriously this shit happened)!

Immediately I started yelling in anger at the motherfucker because, like anyone would be, I was pissed. Luckily for me I was carrying two large backpacks full of ads, which prevented me from receiving any serious injury. In fact, the only injury I suffered was from smashing my elbow into his windshield.

After recovering myself I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number I thought I would never need to call, the mother fucking fuzz. Luckily for me there were many witnesses, so there is very little chance that the motherfucker is not going to be punished. After answering what seemed like hours of questions I carried on my way. To make a long story short, my life was saved by junk mail!

I'm going to be contacted later regarding what is going to happen.

2 comments:

insomniac said...

God damn old people, why the fuck do they still have licenses let alone cars?! I mean seriously if you are over the age of 60 you should not be driving a thousand pounds of steel propelled by internal explosions for numerous reasons!! To list a few...

- Old people are usually fucking blind
- They are bat shit insane
- Alzheimers: anyone who can forget where they are going or what they are doing at random should NOT be be allowed to fucking drive
- 50% of old people are female, and a percentage of that Asian, I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE YOU'RE JUST ALLOWING DEATH TO RAIN DOWN UPON CIVILIANS!!

Mr.Natas said...

Fucking agreed